I used to dread performance management discussions.

I would go through all manner of mental contortions to persuade myself the dreaded conversation didn’t need to happen.

…I would try to convince myself I was being too critical and that there was another way of looking at things. When, no matter how I looked at it, the situation was the same…

…I would look for evidence that things were getting better. When they weren’t…

…I would try to manage my own response to the issue. Instead of asking for change…

…By the time I realized it was an unavoidable conversation, I had convinced myself I had to be ready to take disciplinary action. Which was way out of proportion…

I was like an ostrich playing Twister – head buried in the sand and mentally twisted up.

Then I made a mental shift away from fear of the conversation and recentered around the values foundational to a culture of belonging and well-being:

• • Connection: Performance management discussions require vulnerability on the part of both people and if that happens in a psychologically safe context it can promote greater trust and understanding between you and your employee.

• • Growth mindset: Approach with a belief that your employee has the desire and capacity for growth and that you, too, will learn and grow as a result of the conversation.

• • Purpose: In the end it’s about achieving the goals related to the purpose of your work, a purpose that unites you and your employee. The conversation is about how best to achieve that purpose.

I went from the ostrich playing twister, to a wise old owl mindfully centered between emotion and reason.

For a free download on how to have a productive, meaningful performance management discussion click below. It’s based on the masterful guidance provided by Patterson, Grenny, Maxfield, McMillan and Switzler in Crucial Accountability and road tested by me.